Day sixI

dear diary,

Yesterday I broke my streak. Four days... I guess at this stage I can actually still call that impressive.

I hate living here. I hate living with people I can let down. I hate living with arguments... no, what I really hate is that the arguments don’t change and everyone in them is on the same side. Which I guess makes them less arguments and more group bitching sessions about the house (falling apart), the landlady (my mother), clumsy people (me)..

Fuck. I hate it. Except I don’t. I don’t really hate anything, it’s too much investment.

Day four

Hi!

Well, we finally finished sorting the boxes from the attic. I’ll edit this post in the morning to show the coolest finds.

You know, before I put the vastly reduced pile of crap back in the attic to be forgotten another ten years.

Em might have phoned it in a bit on the last couple of boxes but hey, it’s her stuff and we still have shed and garage to sort through.

Third ‘good day’ in a row has to be some kind of record. Maybe it’s keeping this blog, maybe not. My ‘new habit every day’ hasn’t quite taken off but at least I’m maintaining this one and walking pup more often. And writing! At least a page a day, it is amazing even if the writing itself is fairly meh.

Soon I hope to turn my hand to something worth reading.

My verbal or maybe gaslighting issues grow. I apparently had a totally different conversation last night to the one I thought I had, and today I said like and everyone heard deserve, which left me very confused and being told to shut up again...

Lily thinks I’m a moron who needs to shut up and follow instructions without trying to understand them, which kind of hurts though...

Day three

Another ‘good’ day with only a minor struggle to get started in the morning.

I also got a little writing done, which is a relief. It was only fanfic, but the important thing at this stage is to put words on paper rather than languishing in non creativity.

My head is full of thoughts but every time I try and put them here I hit micro sleep. Maybe tomorrow will bring me mor clarity.

Love, E. Eadgyth.

Day Two

Or possibly day three since blogger’s sense of time is apparently as screwy as mine.

Today was actually a good day. I got up on time ish, got all my chor s and jobs done except the one I needed to be online for and only had a f ew, non destructive clumsy moments.

No progress on the exercising front though yet.

...

[five hours later]

I fell asleep without hitting publish. Good job, E.

Starting over

Well.

Let’s see if I can make progress and work towards a stronger future together, ne?

My name is E. Eadgyth Cable, and I am a mess. Overweight, underpowered and with wings too short to take off without a jet assist.

Huh. Guess I’m a DeLorean. Less sexy though. I am going to try and do something about that.

Things are busy and I am poor, but I am going to make a damn effort to start one positive habit every day to work towards my mental heal habit per day to build my mental or physical health.

Wednesday the 15th of August; mental health habit: Daily journey blogs.

Wish me luck.